Crumbling Devotion
by cherrytreehp2012
Summary: What if Gale's accusations were in fact right? Could the Mockingjay ever love the District 4 sex symbol? Short Story. *Mockingjay spoilers* Rated teen because it's The Hunger Games! Sequel now out: The Hummingbird!
1. Knowing and Warning

_**An: Please note that for this story some of the timings will change and the events will be slightly altered.**_

I am most certainly bored. I have nothing to do except ponder on my hate thoughts for the Capitol and President Snow. The hospital is bleak. I feel like I will be madder than I already am unless I talk to someone. I cautiously move out of the bed and across the room. I place myself in a chair next to none other than Finnick Odair. He is looking aimlessly at the ceiling. He is very much aware of my presence but neither of us says a word until I blurt out "tell me about her".

Finnick, suddenly a completely different person begins, "We met through mutual friends as children. I remember seeing her for the first time. I was convinced that she was a mermaid, she has long red hair and seaweed green eyes, you see. She was one of the best swimmers in the whole of District Four. She was two years younger than me, so we never really thought of each other in a romantic way, even though we became virtual best friends. When I was reaped she was the only person I wanted to say goodbye to, but for some reason she never came. After I won things were different. Every year there were… things that I had to do in the Capitol. Annie heard about this just like the rest of Panem, and wouldn't talk to me for weeks after I got back each time. When her name was drawn at the reaping I didn't know what to do. I was her mentor that year. Annie was strictly pacifist, so I was stuck about what to do to keep her alive. It was Haymitch, believe it or not, who came up with the idea to convince Crane to flood the arena. By the time they got round to it though, the Annie I knew was gone. Her tribute partner, a twelve year old, was beheaded by a career. When she won she came back as a mad person. Still to this day she has breakdowns. It was during the games I realised that I loved her. When she and I got reaped she lost it. I owe so much to Mags for volunteering for her. I can't even imagine what they're possibly doing to her…" Finnick trailed off into a trance again and I, with a new sense of empathy for him, returned to my bleak hospital bed.

The tragic story of Finnick's love for Annie made me shudder. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It made me think of my situation. I will never have a love story as great as theirs. I don't even know who my true love is at the moment. Tomorrow I have to continue with Mockingjay duties. How will I be able to? I don't know. I stare up at the district thirteen regular white ceiling and white walls. Oh, what would I give to be lying in my old and very much destroyed house in the seam?

I woke up the next morning desperately twirling my thumbs. I solemnly pull on my regulation district thirteen clothes and make my way to command. Plutarch addresses the room with the information that there will be another broadcast by the Capitol which is required viewing. Apparently Beetee is going to play some of the propos during the program.

"Is it possible?" I pipe up before Plutarch can continue.

"Intelligence thinks yes." Plutarch replied. "The Capitol knows nothing of this attack, and Beetee has multiple propos to use."

I give a respectful nod and we are dismissed. I am dreading this broadcast, and hope that Beetee interrupts it enough that I barley have to watch any of it.

_**One week later**_

Tonight is the program I have been dreading all week. I am not supposed to watch this program, but a part of me has too. Finnick has gained enough sanity to give me moral support and watch it with me. We sit on my regulation bed in my regulation room (prim and my mother are working in the hospital). I can't stop thinking about what they are going to say. I think I am actually shaking but I'm not quite sure anymore. All I can think about is Peeta, Peeta, Peeta. His name vibrates through me like a constant heart beat.

"Katniss…" Finnick whispers, barely audibly. "Katniss" he pursues, a lot louder this time. I snap out of it. I must have looked like I was having a panic attack! Maybe I was.

"I'm sorry" I said hesitantly. Finnick gives a jolt/shake of the head at me. Afterwards we sit in near silence, which is only filed by empty and hollow words. I can't focus on his reassuring words. I need to know Finnick's secret.

"How do you deal with it?" I ask. Finnick says nothing for what feels like hours, but wretchedly utters

"I don't." My eyes drop to the ground, unwilling to look at his face, which I can only imagined has an expression solely containing misery and despair. However both our hands meet and clutch onto the other, unable to let go. For unexplainable reasons we slowly inch closer together. With nothing to stop us and make us see reason, we get so close that I can feel his breath. My heart is beating approximately a hundred times a second. I sense a something that I have never felt before. We are holding an intense gaze. Just as we are about to cross a line that we can never come back from, Finnick pulls away and my lips are left trembling.

"It's starting" he says softly. Suddenly the national anthem of Panem blares through the TV speakers. We see President Snow himself accompanied by Peeta. The sheer sight of him shatters my heart into a million pieces. In the first broadcast Peeta looked pretty much normal, But now he is transformed. He has most obviously been beaten, and he has a huge tremble. I nearly faint. Just as the first word has left President Snow, I appear on screen. The camera team has done an amazing job with these propos. The Capitol broadcast doesn't stand a chance, as just as one attack is fended off, another propo is aired. Eventually though, the Capitol regains control. Peeta gives a short speech about ceasefire, but the end is what sets off every alarm in thirteen.

"You, in thirteen, dead by morning."


	2. Wanting and Needing

"You, in thirteen, dead by morning."

Before I can even produce the slightest reaction I see peacekeepers rush to the stage and beat him. Peeta falls to the floor, which is now drenched with his blood. The TV suddenly becomes static and for just a moment we are left in complete and utter silence. The moment which lasts forever where I try to scream but I can't do, hear or feel anything in the world around me. Even the piecing alarm bells and President Snow's dreary voice telling us that this is not a drill cannot pull me back into reality. I am not sure where I am or what I am doing, but a man is holding me up and dragging me along a corridor with a mass of people. _Finnick, _I think. I am pulled into a bunker along with the flood of district thirteen of citizens.

I snap out of my strange dream for long enough to realise that Prim and my mother are not here. I concentrate on worrying about this very thing to keep my mind off the world around me. I tell myself that it's just because they're working in the hospital. The thought of that keeps me going whilst I follow the instructions written by our assigned area:

Make sure all members of your compartment are accounted for.

Go to the supply station and secure one pack for each member of your compartment. Ready your living area. Return pack(s).

Await further instructions.

I hurry to the supply station and grab three packs. As I return I see my mother, looking around the room.

"Where's Prim?" I ask, with a noticeable panic in my voice.

"Isn't she here?" Mother asks.

I immediately propel myself at the now closing doors. "STOP!" I shriek. Just as I am about to punch the guard in the face I catch sight of none other than Prim and Gale. "Prim!" I scream, wedging my arm in-between the doors. She and Gale enter, carrying Buttercup and my old game bag.

"What were you thinking?" I yell, but the end gets cut off by the unmistakeable sound of a bomb dropping. The lights flash on and off, struggling to keep electricity. I quickly forget to tell Gale off and get distracted by leading a near to tears Prim toward our area. We release Buttercup and he lies on the bunk bed, completely unfazed by the attack. I take the bag from Gale and discover its contents. All of my possessions from our compartment are inside. I mutter a thank you though nobody can hear me.

Prim and I huddle together through the first part of the night, not that we know whether It is night or not though. I restrain myself from crying, but Prim knows me all too well.

"Katniss" She whispers softly.

"What are they doing to him? I can't even imagine. And why? It must be evident that he has no idea about the rebellion. So why are they doing this? What will it take for them to let him go? If I just quit will they give him back? What will it take until he is useless? I burble like a childish idiot. Prim strokes my hair, but she cannot restrain to tell me the truth.

"Whatever it takes to break you" she says. I find my way onto the mattress which was in the pack. I try to sleep but that is impossible. I know that Prim is right. But what will break me? I think I'm broken enough already. Most people are asleep now. I can't lie here. I know that I must talk to someone, so somehow I find myself standing over Finnick's bed, watching him frantically tie knots.

"I know what you meant now." I say, "On the hovercraft you said that they won't kill him if he can be used against me. This is what happened to you, isn't it." He doesn't need to reply or make any gesture for me to know it's the truth. He continues to tie knots.

"I shouldn't have told you. What use was it?" He says, too softly for anyone but me to hear.

"I misjudged you, you know. We all did. We assumed that you and Peeta were just an act, but during the Quell I knew I was wrong. You care for him immensely, whether you LOVE him or not."

We sit in silence, listening only to the heavy breathing of everyone else. I notice that Finnick's hands, still tying complicated knots obsessively, have started to bleed.

"You're hands." I say softly. Finnick is in another world right now, so I drag him into one of the few small bathrooms. He moans in pain as I force his hands under the cold stream of water from the sink. His fingers still produce the motion of tying knots. I see a tear flow down his cheek. I've only seen him cry once, when the jabberjays were producing screams of our loved ones. I turn off the water and wipe the lone tear from his face. We say nothing, but my hand remains, softly caressing his skin.

Forget being a mockingjay, my heart is beating at hummingbird speed. As we lose control of what little sense we have, he pulls me close, too close. This moment seems so unreal. I am almost convinced I am dreaming, feeling his warm breath against my face. I snap back into real life as the second missile hits. We cling together, utterly hopeless and under the illusion of certain death. As soon as the jolt ends we instantly spring apart, not even looking at each other. I thrust box of bandages into his most likely sore hands and leave the room as quickly as I can, whilst he stands there in disbelief. I run to my bed like a child who has just turned off the lights.


	3. Taking and Getting

**AN: Wow I can't believe that I got even 1 favourite, let alone 3! Thank you to all the reviewers and followers, you really make my day **** There probably won't be an update till the weekend as I have exams *yawn* **

I awake multiple times in the night. My sleep is as restless as usual, but my mind is not full of the same scorpions as before. I don't know what's going on right now. I spend the day in this boring military bunker trying to do anything but tie knots with a rope I found in my pack. I eventually use up all of our batteries playing a game with Buttercup. All the younger citizens come to watch. We spend the greater part of the day watching the cat chase torch light, only to be interrupted by occasional missiles.

Down here minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days. I decide to pass my time by inventing methods of torture for Snow.

Soon enough however we are told that it is now the night and the lights dim. I try to sleep but the attempt is next to pointless. I know that I want to do two things, but I cannot do either. I want to break down and cry, which is definitely not an option. I want to talk to Finnick again. I receive a strange comfort when we talk. I can't face him after yesterday. What would have happened if that explosion hadn't made us snap out of it? I am glad it did.

I haven't the slightest idea what time it is. I think I drifted into an uneasy sleep. I still have my rope and try and fail to tie a miniature noose. It is so quiet I can hear my own heartbeat. With every part of the steady rhythm I feel his name, like it's engraved into me. I rise to my feet before I lose what little nerve I have.

"It keeps going wrong." I say, presenting my very nonexistent noose. For the first time in months he produces an actual laugh and gestures for me to sit down.

"You seriously don't remember much do you?" he chuckles and repeats the instructions over and over until he is satisfied that my noose is perfect.

"Now, what are you going to use that noose for?" He says and before I can attack him with it he senses my plan and dodges. We get into a really stupid play fight/wrestling match. This is not a fair match and I easily lose.

"Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of the 76th Hunger Games, Finnick Odair! And the crowd goes wild!" he whispers, whilst flexing his muscles on his free arm. I giggle and take my chance, pushing him off the bunk, only to be pulled with him. We end up in a pile on the floor, trying desperately not to laugh. What this must look like! But there is something about Finnick that makes me forget all the pain and suffering. I give him a faint smile.

"You're kind of squishing me though. Gosh Katniss, you need to lay off the squirrels!" He teases. I give him a shove and stand up, only to be tripped back onto the bed. We continue to laugh. Miraculously nobody seems to have woken up from the sounds we are making. The laughter ends though and we are looking at each other in silence.

This time it is Finnick who strokes a strand of my hair which has come loose from my braid. Somebody walks past where we are half sitting and half lying, but he is too late to startle us. For the first time in what feels like years, I feel peaceful. We must have fallen asleep huddled together like that. My previous actions dwell on me and I get up and walk across to the bathroom, I need to gather some air. I splash my face with cold water. A little water clears us of anything.

"Katniss..." He says gently from behind me. Before I can object he closes the door and pulls my lips to his.

_**The Next Morning…**_

I wake up from a calm night's sleep. Last night was either the best or worst night of my life, but I can't decide which. I rub my eyes trying to piece together what happened, but it's all a blur. President Coin's voice bellows through the speakers, startling everyone in the room. She announces that the attack has finished and we are assigned new living quarters. I do not have much time to settle in as I already have MockingJay duties. I have to go outside and film yet another propo.

I get fed my lines, but I cannot complete them. My mind has been turned to Greasy Sae's surprise soup and it's no use trying to use it. What have I done? I have somehow completely forgotten about Peeta. Peeta, who is being tortured right now because he was sacrificed for my own safety. I show him no thanks for all he has done for me. He even saved my life just a few days ago. And Gale. I haven't even talked to him. I can't take this anymore. I can't be here and not worry about Peeta and rescuing him isn't exactly an option. Is it? I am the world's worst human being. I cannot hold it in and break down next to a missile hole, mid sentence.

"I can't do this" I say, but it's barely audible. Haymitch is at my side and does the only thing he can do by nodding and telling me what I've been waiting to hear.

"I know. We're going to get them out."


	4. Losing and Mourning

**AN: Wow. I seriously want to thank each and every person who has so much as clicked on my story. I really appreciate every review, follow and favourite. Although sadly this particular story ends here (sort of) I hope to write a sort of sequel soon. However there will be another Hunger Games story which is in progress at the moment, so if you want to check it out :-) So without further ado, I present the final chapter of Crumbling Devotion! **

I was sent back to the hospital after my breakdown. How can I face him? I wanted to go to the Capitol, but I was not allowed. I can't bear to see him is he is anything like what we saw on TV. How will he ever be able to forgive me after what I've done?

After a much too long period of time the doors fling open and a small red headed girl runs across the room, straight into Finnick's arms. I haven't spoken to him since the other night. They meld into one and fall against a wall, unwilling to let go. I'm guessing this is Annie. I rise straight from my bed and nobody attempts to stop me. Haymitch directs me down the hallway to the room which Peeta is occupying, and I walk right in. His face is ghostly pale and he looks dead. The whole reunion remains a blur though as the next thing I know his hands are wrapped around my neck.

_**Later…**_

My name is Katniss Everdeen and I don't care. I don't care that Peeta tried to kill me. I don't care that he has been hijacked by President Snow and I don't care that he thinks I am a mutt.

I don't care when Finnick tells me that what we did was only an act of extreme desperation and lust, and we should forget about it. I don't care that I got dumped three times in one day. I don't care that Finnick and Annie have a beautiful wedding. I don't care that Peeta made the cake. I don't care that I had to leave otherwise I would have lost my mind. I don't even care that I got shot.

Alternately, I did care when Finnick sacrificed himself to the mutts for me. I will never forget that last blink of his beautiful sea green eyes. That haunting look, where I could see who he was in his entirety. I don't remember it really. The whole world went out of focus as I screamed; at least, I think I screamed.

I am lying in hospital and I don't care that most of me burned to ashes, including everything I thought I knew about myself. I don't care that I can't face the sound of my own voice anymore, so I remain silent. Haymitch visits. He asks me questions that I just can't reply to.

"Is there anyone or anything you want to tell me about? You know, they have blood tests for these sorts if things sweetheart" and I just stare at the ceiling, tying the secret I have been keeping from everyone into knots.

**Ps: I'm sorry it was so short! **


	5. Epilouge

I have never met him before, though I have seen photos, so when he appeared in the meadow of District 12 I didn't think he was real until he tapped me on the shoulder. I love this meadow. I live in a house within walking distance, so I consider myself lucky. My younger brother and I used to play here all the time as children. Picking the daisies in the summer and the daffodils in the spring. Staring out into the depths of the wood. Even having snowball fights in the winter. Then my mother and father told me the truth. This magical place is a mass graveyard. Ever since I don't come here as often, but today seems like a visiting day.

We get past the awkward hellos and are left with little else to say. I examine him. He is four years older than me, I think. He has soft bronze hair and deep green eyes, which equally bronze sun kissed skin. He reminds me of the man I saw in my parent's 'Remember' book.

"I'm Nep" he begins shyly.

"What kind of name is that?" I question, but quickly regret it because it probably sounded rude. He looks taken aback.

"It's short for Neptune, Neptune Odair. It's my self made nickname because my real name is incredibly stupid."

"Oh, my name is Isobel Mellark, nice to meet you" I smile.


End file.
